1 month before IVF : 6 Father’s Day

Posted by Rose in Infertility, My Personal Journey on 09-02-2013

Jun 19, 2011
It’s a sunny Sunday Father’s Day afternoon, and after a late night of just doing anything and nothing for a change, we got out of bed late. I’m lazily sipping my coffee, searching google for “no family how do i stop feeling so alone” and I realize that this battle with infertility is likely the cause – or is the infertility problem compounded because I feel a lack of family around me? A chicken or egg dilemma – no pun intended. *sigh*Part of me can’t understand how I can feel a desparate need for family, when I have such a strong marriage. My husband truly is my best friend, and I so love and adore him as he does me…so ‘why isn’t that enough’?  For as long as I can remember I’ve had the desire to be part of something bigger, a larger unit, a collective of some kind… and I’ve never been able to find that. Not through work, not through church, and certainly not through family even though I grew up in an enormous immediate family.

I believe most people in the western world – or at least those I’ve come to know – are so self-absorbed that they don’t really know how to be a friend or be empathetic in the truest sense of the word. Through life it’s seemed that I’ve always been the giver of emotions and care, but ever so rarely on the receiving end. I think this day of Facebook and Twittering personifies the general personality of today. It started with the MySpace mentality, which actually was such a success, I think, because it brought technology to the then-current intimacy level of society, rather than requiring people to adapt and assimilate a new mindset via technology. It was, and still is, a tool for spreading a social disease in which people befriend other people to build a faux network of friends that will go as deep as posting a thumbs up on your latest major accomplishment. Maybe it’s just me, but if someone I care about does something, or goes through something that’s fairly important to him or her, I’m going to have more energy to express interest, compassion and/or empathy than the energy it takes to click the ‘like’ button.

But that’s me. Surely there must be more ‘mes’ out there.

Naturally, I am ‘on’ facebook, and I can be followed on Twitter, but it’s unlikely I’ll post anything that is important enough to me to be diminished by asking for a ‘like’.

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